Mystic Goldtop's Daily Horoscope: Virgo

Hahaha! This one is easy. Too easy for a superior liquid filled brain such as myself. You are pathetic! All of you. Virgos, in this day and age, ha! As a vassal for my superior intellect you will do whatever I say, simply because I command you as such. Yes, that is what will happen to you today. Also, the fourth mood of Hades will spin constantly, causing you to deliver your letters to the wrong address.

(An example of a pathetic Virgo humanoid form)



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Do you have confusion in your life? Need clarity and purpose to justify your existence. Then phone Mystic Goldtop on 0990 123 4567 or text 'I am obviously a complete Imbecile' to 89990 and feel the clarity that milk provides*!

(Disclaimer: Obviously these numbers do not lead to a service for Zodiac/Tarrot readings, but probably to some pornographic service that will continue to rape your phone bill until you are left penniless and destitute in the gutter. If you phone/text these numbers, we cannot be held accountable for your own stupidity. Listening to Mystic Goldtop will not make you feel better, quite the opposite, you will feel depressed, lonely and a former shell of yourself as your own reasons for living are ripped to shred by what is possibly the most unpleasant person that has come from CWP. Receiving texts from Mystic Goldtop is simply wrong, quite possibly as he has no fingers or thumbs by which to operate such devices. Mystic Goldtop is not a person, but a milk based life form from the Planet Plov, somewhere in the vicinity of Zargon, which you will find off Junction 9 on the M20 in Kent. Mystic Goldtop's so called astrological service is provided for a very high fee on the behalf of Caution Wet Paint Services a subsidiary of Plov Enterprises (PVT). Calls will be monitored because we are spying on our own workforce as it is cheaper to pay them slave wages and not trust them, rather than paying a decent living wage and be settled, happy in the knowledge that they would actually value the job. Note how this disclaimer contains more information (including lies, half truths and what is often referred to as 'Gospel') than the actual horoscope prediction for today.)

Mystic Goldtop's Daily Horoscope: Aries

Today you will feel hot headed. Stupid. Like an imbecile. Yes, then you will have a chance meeting with a genius next week and eventually, after many turns in your life (all due to your own incompetence) you will finally receive the bountiful rewards that you deserve of the 21st of next month, if the full moon makes it to Saturn and Neptune wiggles Uranus in just the right way, especially when once past Titan.

(A typical example of a pathetic Aries humanoid form)



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Find out what will happen to you this week and how you should deal with it! Phone 0990 123 4567 or text 'Gullible' to 89990 to find out all from Mystic Goldtop!

(Disclaimer: Phone numbers do not exist. Well, they might do, but we do not run them and so if you phone/text them, you will run up a very high bill. Very high. Do not do it. Imbeciles. Mystic Goldtop cannot accurately predict all situations, and in fact get your head out of your proverbial rear ends and start to look for something more in life than in the stars of some Greek Astronomer. Mystic Goldtop's so called astrological service is provided for a very high fee on the behalf of Caution Wet Paint Services a subsidiary of Plov Enterprises (PVT). Calls may be monitored for the purposes of quality control and customer service (ha!). Your information will not be shared unless you reside within the boundaries of the Republic of Poplar which is currently exempt from the jurisdiction of the Data Protection Act (1998) whereby we will sell your information, details and soul to the highest bidder, commonly known in Spanish as 'El Diablo'. Note how this disclaimer actually contains more information (both useful and useless) than the actual horoscope prediction above it.)

Watch VlogsUp or DIE!

My name is Captain Goldtop. I order you, my minions on Planet Earth to watch the fantastic VlogsUp, namely because I, am the ruler of this channel, and master of this great project! Through my powers of mind control, I have ordered everyone to create videos for me! I am a genius! Hahaha!


CLICK HERE TO WATCH!

Run Lola Run?

Yesterday, we released our 100th webisode. You can check it out here and of course, do not forget to leave your comments and thoughts. It is always good to get some feedback.

It was Olivia who came up wth the idea for a 'run' to go with Nick's club beat. But I wanted to take that idea one step further and pay homage to one of the great films of all time, 'Run Lola Run'.

For me, German cinema is probably one of the most underrated schools of film in the world. Germany is funky, vibrant and unafraid to tackle its past. Two world wars and a partitioned country for much of the late Twentieth Century has given German film makers fertile ground for some of the most innovative cinema ever. Apart from Run Lola Run a couple of other classics are the hilarious Goodbye Lenin and the magnificently filmed The Downfall, which is possibly one of the greatest movies of all time.

So there you have it is not all Bollywood, El Director also loves German Cinema. And if you have not done so already, check those films out - you will not regret it.

100th Webisode

Shockingly here at Caution Wet Paint, we have reached webisode number 100. Don't believe us, well look on here. And while you are at it, enjoy some real London hospitality and take a bow at the table of fun as we celebrate the century, together!



Run Kay Run! - CLICK HERE TO WATCH

And you can DIGG us HERE!

Fashionistas!

El Director and Kay were sitting by the catwalk at London Fashion week:



(Note, that they were dressed far more fashionably than the above picture suggests)

El Director: Kay, do you see the way these models walk?
Kay: Yes...
El Director: The way they strut down the catwalk?
Kay: Strut?
El Director: Yes, you know. Nipples out, suck in cheeks, hips wriggling!
Kay: I have no hips!
El Director: Of course you do. All you need is some shapely jeans, put your butt out and Bob's your uncle, you have hips!
Kay: Okay.

Kay looks round nervously as El Director slaps his back.

El Director: Here, look, do you see the way they walk. Now why can't you do that in an episode of Caution Wet Paint. Now that would be classy!

Kay slowly edges away from the seat, hoping El Director does not notice that he is missing...

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See Kuldip's Vlog and Opinions from London Fashion Week - HERE!