Maturity

Kay and El D. larking about - click to watch

I'm in the mood for KILL

For such a piece of comic genius it is surprising that we have a character like Captain Goldtop.

Now, the whole concept of Goldtop was from El M. And what a concept. Talking milk bottles, invasion from outer space. Who ever thought that two simple guys at a bus stop would become something a bit more sinister. Keep watching...

The Future

Bollywood is the future, but do not forget the power of Nollywood. There is money to be had...and trust me, walk down the Tottenham Court Road and into any camera shop. The only buyers are from Lagos. I do not know much about the Nigerean film industry...yet....

Pre Production, Step 6

Music.



What El M and myself get upto in preparation for the music of CWP.

Pre Production, Step 5?

Choreography.

Pre Production, Step 4

Crew.

Along with a great cast, it is essential to get a great crew. For me, I keep my crew down to a minimal number, just because of the time and money - both of which generally lack on a CWP set. However, there are advantages to running a tight ship. Quick and lean are the main ones, but also building a sense of purpose. After all, I only one director, and the smaller the set, the easier the buildup...

Pre Production, Step 3

Dates.

Not the Saudi variety, not the 'stroll by the Thames' variety but the physical writing down in a diary and hoping that on the alloted day, it will not rain/snow/hail, the wind is fairly calm and the light levels stay fairly constant.

In other words, you are trying to second guess the British Climate.

Organising a shoot requires subtlety, threats and outright blackmail. Once you have made your actors cry, the day is set-up and the cameras are ready to roll. Just make sure that when the actors are blackmailed, the evidence is actually on hand to be produced...

Pre Production, Step 2

Talk.

Talk is cheap, but it is essential to getting the script away from the computer and onto a firmer footing. Talking to friends and family, talking to backers, talking to other professionals.

But when it comes to CWP, I talk to four people in particular. First to La P, she is always the first person that sees the work hot off the press. Very closely, it is El M. If he likes it, then it is OK. Finally, J and K get to have a sneak peak. They grumble and moan but I usually ignore them as that means it will be just fine.

As a director it is important at all times to be EVIL to your actors.

Now, here is an emergency Vlogsup Vid.

Pre Production, Step 1

The Script.

Often overlooked by many film makers, without a story, there is no way you are going to film anything.

Film has a particular format in the way it is written. This is anal in the extreme, but it does help in one way. Roughly one page of script in this format is equal to one minute of screen time. Really, this formula is about the nearest that filming gets to a constant.

But the plot, simple or complex, funny or serious, genre, event or character driven, there has to be some semblance of a plot. A beginning, middle and an end (though not necessarily told in that order) and some development in the characters we (the audience) are meant to have an interest in or a message conveyed to us.

And so here comes CWP. What is the message I am trying to convey?

Pre Production

There is a reason why things have been very quiet on the CWP Front recently. That magical phrase, 'pre-production'. Yes, that is the terminology for procrastination heaven. Pre-production can mean anything. Scripts, re-writes, twiddling of thumbs. Mostly, it is organising. Film is fast, filming is slow. Especially the preparatrory work, where most of the budget goes on consultation. Or in my case, as I work with no budget, 'discussion time'.

There will be a new 'made-for-festival' short coming out next year, and it will probably be shot in January. I, as El D. will also be making another short film, a more serious one with a tone of gravitas attached to it. Like last year, two films, one wacky the other sober. It kind of reflects my own duality (or multiplicity) that I like to do two completely different projects, on an emotional level. It balances my internal ying and yang. More importantly, I do it as I feel like it. The crazy antics of CWP is liberating, while the sadistic nature of the bulk of my work allows me to explore a lot of personal demons.

Will be keeping you all informed, El D!

Organised?

Yes, yes I am...well, mostly...a lot of behind the scenes activity...happening...sssh...

Caution Wet Paint - Big in Iceland!

As you know, a few weeks ago, we posted up a video in response to the collapse of the Icelandic Economy. This of course was primarily a stab at British Local Government. After all, anyone who lives in London has their own take on the state of the transport network, but the overwhelming opinion is that it is poor. So how come TfL has a spare £40mil sloshing away in an Icelandic Bank Account?

However, the video has also enraged the Icelandic populace of the internet. So, due to the political posturing of El D, Jay and Kay no longer have a hope in hell of experiencing spa life in Iceland. Now, I am not bothered by the lack of Icelandic cash (the Korna is now worthless) but more by the fact that everyone seems to think I am mocking Iceland. No, I am mocking first of all the Byzantine financial systems that rule this world and second the ineptitude of British investors. In particular Local Government in Britain whos role in our lives is to function, not to squirrel money away.

Oh well, let's see that video again...

VLogsup - thru' London Town!

I felt a little bit funky in doing today's Vlogsup video. And yes, I did the challenge (just).



Watch today's VLogsup Video by clicking here!

Documentary 3 - Kay the Cool

In this documentary I take a short look at the character of Kay from Caution Wet Paint.

Click here to watch Kay's Documentary!

CWP Documentary 3
Uploaded by cautionwetpaint

Interesting...

It has been one funky week of pure Ethipian high-jinks over on El Director's Blog as he sated his desire for Injera and all things Abyssinian.

Meanwhile, earlier this week Captain Goldtop hijacked this blog and threatened the world with milk domination. Oh well, for the moment he has been confined to a district of West London, but the damage has already begun.

Next week we will be continuing our documentary series for this time looking at the other half of the comedy duo of CWP - Kay!

(El D.)

The Facebook Whore

Yes, it is true, my profile picture is on another site - www.wachoski.com - and click here to see it.

Duly did and ended up at one of those 'dead ends' that El Maestro always warns me about.

I do despise thoseimbecilles who hack into personal accounts and inflict upon fellow associates spam and phishes and all the rest.

But what is even more idiotic are the people who click on such things. Ah, to be popular...

The Tumblr

Regular readers of this wonderful witty tirade may have noticed a new logo on the side of this blog This is 'Tumblr' and I have no idea what it actually is. I think it is a mix between Twitter and Blogger. Well, I have been experimenting and feeding all kinds of information into it. Well, isn't this what we dreamed about since we first heard the words 'unlimited banwidth'?

Click here to view the delights of Caution Wet Paint's Tumble Blog!

Tomorrow is better than Today

My contribution to Vlogsup today. And as always I look at tomorrow.



The Vlogsup Project - A new Vlog every day from a range of talented Youtubers.

Welcome to Shepherd's Bush! (or how Captain Goldtop eventualy reveals himself to London)

For the residents of the Democratic Republic of Hammersmith and Fulham, I come in peace, with an this alien development that has now been inserted into your most eclectic neighbourhood, Shepherd's Bush. What is currently a locale that is a thriving hub of culture, a fusion of funk and seemingly oblivious to the credit crunch has now been taken over by me, Captain Goldtop.

Yes, welcome to Shopping Mall W12, a place devoid of culture, filled with a distinct lack of fun and extremely susceptible to the credit crunch. But who cares, with over 40 eateries (all Brake Bros./3663 filler to pop in the re-heater and hey presto it is done cuisine) tons of shops and of course open until 10pm, it is to die, Die, DIE for darling!



There are no Somalis/Ethiopians/Poles/Indians/Arabs/Iranians to be seen unless they are behind a till serving your shopping needs. For we could not have a thriving community by the Green making a success out of one of our most deprived areas and botched up pieces of planning from the 1960's. Nor could we see our former Olympic site now an essential piece of industrial land in West London go to waste. So here at the Milky Democratic Plov Republic of Hammersmith and Fulham I have pursuaded your former masters to let this:



take over your planet. And yes, it is the Space Ship that I, Captain Goldtop use! This was the true reason why this place was built. Yes, it is not only to facilitate the invasion of Earth, but also the invasion of your soul. There is no need to believe, when everything can be bought, even happiness and joy! Yes, it is Westfieled, it is here to stay, and you better get used to it! Hahaha!

CWP Documentary 2: Jay

Jay is the dynamo of CWP the Movie. It is his story and his characterisations that are probably closest to mine in all of the stories I have written so far. For me, Jay is a key character in The Paint not just in what he does, but how he does it.



Watch Documentary by clicking here!

Yes?

In addition to Ari's fantastic series of monologues, the second shortest video from Caution Wet Paint.



Watch Ari by clicking here.

KILL

At 9 seconds long, this is the shortest thing on CWP.

The Casting...

When I first wrote the feature script for Caution Wet Paint I did not have a clue who I would cast. For me, the importance was the chemistry between Jay and Kay, That chemistry, the bouncing off each other was essential to maintain the humour of the script. The straight laced Jay, the whacky Kay, these were two factors that would be essential to the tellng of the story.

So to further explain yesterday's documentary (view by clicking the link), the casting of Ari and Kuldip was by no means secured. I did not know them at all when I wrote the first draft for Caution Wet Paint. But when I was editing An East End Tale I saw the scene with Kuldip (who played Chandran) and Ari (who played Tony) together. They cracked me up, which was their intention. I showed the scene to Nick while we were cutting music for the film and I remember telling him that those two should be in a comedy together.

The rest, as they say, is history...

CWP Documentary 1

A little less comedy and a little more seriousness for now. Here is a short little documentary on how I started CWP, what the first Webisode The Bus Stop" was all about and why I actually cast Ari and Kuldip as the two lead characters.



Watch Documentary by clicking here.

The Imbecille (Dub-bya Bush) Speaks!

'There is important work to do in the months ahead and I will continue to conduct the people's business,'

(must continue to fleece the system! only a hundred or so days before the cronies and me have to leave the trough! can we invade iran in that time?)

'as long as this office remains in my trust.'

(Haha!)

'During this time of transition, I will keep the president elect fully informed on important decisions.'

(Dum-dee, dum-dee-dee...)

'When the time comes on January 20th, Laura and I will return back to Texas, with treasured memories of our time here,'

(literally. treasure, me have, thank you tax payer!)

'with profound gratitude for the honour of serving this amazing country.'

(eight years ago, it was great. now...)

---

Congratulations to Obama for restoring the American Dream/

Goldtop speaks...through image!

Imbecilles! See how great I am!

Sleepy Kay...

Just waking up...zzz...the life of a postman is hard...



Kay waking up

Super Gordon Brown - Saviour of the World!

That's right, it's me, your PM and I off to the East to meet our brothers and sisters and to save the world! For who else can we depend upon in these times of woe?

Yes, the solution is simple. We persuade the Arabs to 'wisely invest' their vast wealth into our 'strong economies'. You see, it is simple. They fund our unsustainable lifestyles, er, I mean, lubricate the cogs of the world economy! Yes, you see, it is so simple. How else could we celebrate Christmas if those bonuses are not paid? Haha! I have the answers to everything - I am Super Gordon Brown!

Subject Matter to be discussed (ie: mocked)...

Jay.
Kay.
Chilli.
Milk.
El Director.

---

Late addition to this blog. At the request of El Maestro and of course because I completely forgot about it (I was far too tired when I wrote this blog), Caution Wet Paint also mocks, at all times the following:

Politics
Politics and
Political Behavior.

Subject Matter not to be discussed (ie: mocked) on CWP

Race.
Religion.
Gender.
Age.
Kids.
Sexual Orientation.
Other Film Makers.
Film Festivals.
Other Artists in General.
Animals.
Publicity.
Jay's Comics.
Kay's Letters.
La Producer.
El Maestro's Music.
El Director's Genius.
Plov.